A Changed life
By Darcy Allbee | November 1, 2011
I was just thinking...the ten years I spent doing meth went by so fast, like the blink of an eye..gone before I knew it. Time I could never get back. Really, it's amazing how fast it went. When I think about it though, ten years is really a long time...a long time to live that way, it's a long time to live such a crazy life! Crazy really - doing crazy illegal things, crazy fighting - just doing everything wrong, hurting myself, hurting everyone around me and hating life and myself. To think back now to a typical day/night (especially toward the end)...WOW, I can't even put into words how thankful I feel that I am not there now. Things were bad - really bad! My kids are the only reason I wanted to stay alive half the time. I thought life could never be good... even though I spent a lot of time trying to make it look good on the outside. As bad as things were though, I couldn't see how any of it was my fault. I blamed everyone and everything but myself and I really believed it! Really believed it wasn't me...I didn't have a problem.
I am just so thankful that God loves me, has always loved me and cared enough about me even during that time when I was doing so many of the things he says not to do, during the time I was living my life all wrong, during a time I didn't care about myself and didn't really care about who he was or if I knew him. I didn't think that was important I guess. He still loved me though! He didn't take my kids away from me, he didn't let me die that way. He put me exactly where I needed to be. The day I was getting arrested it was not what I wanted, it was not where I thought I needed to be. God knew though! He knew what I needed. I had choices to make. I don't think God did it for me..I think God gave me opportunity. opportunity to choose drug court, opportunity to choose to change my life and opportunity to choose him. Once I made those choices I was able to start my life...not perfect, I know it never will be, but today I care about myself. I love God and I know that he loves me! I have an awesome husband who stuck with me through everything, I have awesome kids and a son in law who I love and am sooo proud of, grand kids that I adore, friends that I love and care about and they care about me. I don't need drugs or alcohol to live my life today. I don't need it to be ok. I am happy...I have problems and I need help figuring stuff out still, but today I know how to ask for help and I have people in my life that have and will be there to walk with me through things when I do need help.
I don't really even know what my point in writing this was. Actually, I have no idea why I wrote it. I was just thinking about my life and how thankful I am that because of Jesus I am forgiven no matter what I did in the past, thankful that he loves me and thankful that finally one day I finally realized I need him!!
Back